Intro to Philosophy
Professor Tim Erdel
Bethel College
The currents laws regarding Fathers rights are unfair
A look at my own personal experience.
I was 22 when I was married, the wedding took on October 16th 1999 in
Coon Rapids MN. About four months later, we had some exciting news to share
with our families. We were expecting! My son made his entrance into this world
on October 2nd 2000. I had become a father! But three years later, events would
unfold that almost caused me to lose that. The current laws regarding fathers
rights are unfair.
My marriage began to unravel. It started in 2001. I had accepted a sales
position with a company located in Omaha NE. I was only with the company for a couple of weeks when I was called into the office and was told, I was being laid off. They had hired more employees then they could afford to pay, I was the one with the least amount of experience and had to go. I tried to find a new job however I was not successful and the decision was made to move back to Minnesota. Unfortunately, things got worse. We separated in 2003, and the divorce went final less then a year later.
The original divorce decree was to award my ex-wife full physical custody and
joint legal. She wanted full physical custody because when we separated, I had no where else to go and had no choice but to move back in with my parents who live in Michigan. She changed the decree when she found out that I had suffered a mental breakdown. She now wanted full physical and full legal custody. I had suffered the mental breakdown due to the stress I was dealing with from the divorce and the fact she was not letting me talk to or see my son. She had no legal reasoning for that. I believe she was being vindictive. She was attempting to enact some sort of childish revenge.
The Strongest Contrary Arguments
There were numerous arguments that were used against me; here are a few of them:
Children Need Stability
This argument revolves around the false notion that children need unvarying
sameness (stability) above all else, to the exclusion of the other parent's involvement if necessary. The classic refrain is that the child "won't be able to manage" (cope) with two different caretakers, two different homes, etc. This argument makes it seem as though having both parents involved will somehow "upset" to the child or that the child will become "confused" when going back and forth between the parents. In the "Stability" argument, emphasis is placed on geographic location, rather than parenting skills or involvement. There are other variations on this theme, but they all center on the child being unable to deal with two homes. (Separated Parenting Access & Resource Center)
The "Parents Won't Cooperate" Argument
In this argument the unspoken assumption is that because one or both of the
parents won't cooperate with the other or one parent won't agree to joint custody, any form of joint custody is impossible. This presumption allows either spouse to decide to "not cooperate" and thereby ensure that no form of shared parenting is ordered by the court. This tactic is often used by mothers, since they are overwhelmingly more likely to gain custody. (Separated Parenting Access & Resource Center)
Her argument that I wouldn’t cooperate simply wasn’t true, my response to that
was “How do you know that I wont cooperate if you wont even talk to me?” If she was
willing to talk, she would have known that I agreed with her on the stability argument and was willing to let her have full physical custody. I was also accused of not caring and being lazy which was also not true. When we were married, I was the only one that worked and I always went out of my way to make sure my son was safe and happy.
The situation has since been resolved. I signed the decree because I felt it was best for all for the circus to be over. She has full physical and full legal custody but I have liberal visitation rights and see him and talk to him as often as I can.
The laws involving a fathers rights in a divorce are unfair. A child needs a father in its life! Before my son and I were reunited, I was informed that he was having serious behavior problems. Since we have been reunited the problems are no more. My mental status has even improved a great deal since I have my son back in my life.
Dad, your guiding hand on my shoulder will remain with me forever. ~Author Unknown
(Father's Love - The Importance of a Dad)
Blessed indeed is the man who hears many gentle voices call him father! ~Lydia M. Child, Philothea: A Romance, 1836 (Father's Love - The Importance of a Dad)
Bibliography
Father's Love - The Importance of a Dad. 6 2 2010
Separated Parenting Access & Resource Center. 6 2 2010
